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Monday, September 25, 2017

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO DISCUSS COMPUTERS

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbott: That’s great Lou. What did you get?

Costello: An Intel® Core™ 2 Quad Processor, 2.4 GigaHertz, 1066MegaHertz FSB with 4 GigaBytes of Dual-Channel DDR24 SDRAM, 800MegaHertz, a 500 GigaByte hard drive, with a Blu-ray disc DVDRW and a 256MB Graphics card.
Abbott: That’s terrific, Lou

Costello: But I don’t know what any of it means!!
Abbott: You will in time.

Costello: That’s exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbott: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbott: Well, I don’t know-

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you’re going to train me.
Abbott: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbott: That’s true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then...

Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbott: I know, you press the Start button...

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbott: I did.

Costello: When?
Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbott: To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbott: Well Start doesn’t actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbott: Start

Costello: Start what?
Abbott: Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbott: Shut down.

Costello: You don’t have to get rude!
Abbott: No, no, no! That’s not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbott: To shut down the computer, press...

Costello: Don’t say, "Start!"
Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbott: But that’s what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbott: Don’t be ridiculous.

Costello: I’m being ridiculous? Well, I think it’s about time we started this conversation.
Abbott: What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

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