Ways to Tell You're a New Father

1. Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.
2. The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds normal.
3. You are used to doing everything one-handed.
4. The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.
5. The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.
6. Your idea of romance is hand-holding.
7. You answer the question "How are you?" with "We’re fine."
8. You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt’s main color.