Things to say to telemarketers

• The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn’t released the body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?
• What’s that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I’m afraid we’re just not communicating.
• I’m gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don’t go away.
• Oh, it’s you again. I was hoping you’d call back. The better business people said I need more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and telephone number...