Sage Advice

• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
• When you’re finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• It’s not hard to meet expenses ... they’re everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished.
• I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
• Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
• If your living on the edge, make sure your wearing your seatbelt.
• There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.
• The unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.